i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
