if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I think your dad took our porno
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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