i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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