We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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