Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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