Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
