I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Just high enough for therapy.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm getting married
To pizza
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
