i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
