Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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