So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Is it penis luge time yet?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm getting married
To pizza
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
