so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
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