oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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