I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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