some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Randomize
