it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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