At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
The air was thick with penises
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
