the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
