i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
