Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I looked at my own cervix.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
