I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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