The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
