we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
