Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
