"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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