Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
