My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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