I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
