this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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