Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
