So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
