He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
