Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
