That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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