You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I could fuck to npr.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
