Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
