I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
