you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
