I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
