im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
