Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
