she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
