Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
