Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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