I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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