She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
