I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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