i may or may not be watching the land before time
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
