somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
