at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
