Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
