i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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