We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
