I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
