My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
